Wiley

You are such a special family to me. Up until to this point, this letter could have been written by anyone, no? Because you are so universally considered special.  Because you are so special. I have never known a family so kind and loving as yours and have never heard a single word spoken against anyone in the family with the exception of Nick.  Every member uniquely different but equally beautiful.  For this reason and a million others, I am so so sorry for your loss.

I consider Nick my best friend and through him have had the luck of getting to know you all. Before meeting Steve, I knew quite a lot about him. In my mind, he was already a role model, and when I met him, I realized that Nick's stories didn't even do him justice. I liked him at first sight.  I thought it might have been seduction via wardrobe, but then I realized that he was exactly the kind of man I was trying to become. Except that he didn't "try" to be that person, it’s just who he was. Happy, loving, principled, down to earth. All effortless because of the strength of his head and warmth of his heart. I know I don't need to tell this to his family of all people, but as a non-family member, as much as I wish I were, I can objectively say that Steve did in fact spread love and life to everything he touched. You felt it in yourself and noticed it in those around him (i.e. you!).

It may be too soon to hear these, but if/when you ever feel like it, here are the things about Steve I will never forget:

-Our graduation dinner at Town and Country: Everyone was dressed in Sunday best and on their best behavior. The parents were talking wine at their end, with the exception of Steve, who by no coincidence was giggling at the kiddie table about “Big Bob,” my well-endowed grandfather.  He then chatted with Mike about Native American Indians for the rest of the dinner.

-“Kill your television. Subvert the dominant paradigm.”

-His advice to always tell adults your Dad is a trashman if you are asked what they do for a living.  I still do and always will.

-A story Nick told me about how he blew up at some obnoxious parent when he was helping Lizzy move to school.

-A similar story about him blowing up some pretentious bakery.  See how I romanticize him?

-When Nick, Casey, and I were in Asia, Steve would usually communicate with Nick via 5$ text messages that said “Go Niners!” or “Hey, I’m in Sonoma, can you feed the dog?”  It was his way of loving Nick and he did it well.  This made it all the more surprising when Nick received an email from Steve in Vietnam about getting clothes tailored.  Steve’s 10 page recommendation was to get a rainbow variety of full suits (at the very least, black, blue, and gray) and six North Face fleeces.  Nick, every time you don’t wear one of those suits, I hope you can think of your wonderful Dad.

-Steve once lent my girlfriend Jackie and me the family’s suburban to drive to Tahoe, and spent, no joke, 45 minutes explaining to us how to operate it.  To this day, I don’t understand an automatic transmission.

-His tupperware in the Berkeley fridge.  I could always count on some deliciously mysterious (rotten) leftovers.

-His mustard in the Sonoma fridge.  I never enjoyed that place without feeling him there and I don’t expect that to change.  Honest to god, the happiest times of my entire tortured undergraduate years were in Sonoma and I honestly believe the happiness he poured into that place somehow rubbed off on me.  And Hudson.  I can offer no other explanation for Hudson’s contentment.

I truly am sorry for your loss.  Really, it is the whole world’s loss because of the man that Steve was, but I don’t necessarily love the world as much as I love you guys, so you have excusive rights to every ounce of loving sadness I feel.

If you need someone to laugh or cry with, I am here.  If you want to laugh and cry with someone more qualified, my Mom is here and also knows every psychologist in the Bay Area.  Or if you need an opinion on financial stuff, my Dad would love to help.

We’re here to help.

With never-ending love for your whole family:

Nick, Jackie, Alicia, Lizzy, UB, and Steve