Steve Has Fun with In-laws

  Steven and I went on a 3-month "sabbatical" about 7 months after we were married, intending to go to China, Berma, Nepal and Thailand.  When we found out I was pregnant, we went to New Zealand instead.  Before Alicia's birth, Steve did not make much of an effort to endear himself to my mother.  (After Alicia arrived, they bonded over their total and absolute adoration of her.)   In truth, although my mother was warm and welcoming to Steven, he pretty much ignored her.  So my mother was thrilled when he sent this postcard to her from New Zealand.  Despite his obvious and gleeful attempt to tweak my proper mother, she chose to interpret it as an friendly overture.  She knew that she had at least made it onto Steven's radar screen once he started making fun of her.    

Dear Ursula,  These little boys are Maoris, the original aboriginal inhabitants of New Zealand.  They are practicing for a Maori rite that a small number of Maori boys undergo when reaching puberty - - they hang themselves.  In the meantime they are not permitted to go to the bathroom which is why their other hands are clutched at their groins.  It seems a strange practice to us, but we don't criticze, not wanting to be cutural chauvinists.  love, Steve

(By the way, what's printed on the postcard only adds to its total bizarreness:  "'Penny for Haka' was once the cry that greeted every tourist arriving in the thermal area.  To the children of a Maori village it was a constant source of income.  Today they are at school, and only rarely can a group be found to perform.")  

Speaking of making fun of people, Steve loved to tease my sister, Barbara, who was a great sport - - she laughed harder than anyone when he did this.  When Steven and I met, my sister, Ginni, and I depended on Barbara as a constant shoe source.  Ginni and I (who were taller than Barbara) had size 7 1/2 feet, but Barbara took a size 8.  She obviously didn't like being the shortest sister with the longest feet, insisting that her shoe size was 7 1/2.  So she kept buying shoes a half size too small for her which somehow always turned out to be inexplicably uncomfortable and which she then gave to Ginni or me.  Steven thought this was totally hilarious. Not that long after we started dating, he came to a family function at my parents' house with a tape he told Barbara she really needed to hear.  So my family gathered around, and Steve turned on the tape, a recording of Fats Waller singing "Your Feet's Too Big": 

Who's that walkin' round here? Mercy
Sounds like baby patter

baby elephant patter that’s what I calls it

Say up in Harlem at a table for two
There were four of us, me, your big feet and you
From your ankles up, I'd say you sure look sweet
From there down there's just too much feet

Yes, your feets too big
Don't want ya, cause you feets too big
Can't use ya, cause you feets too big
I really hate ya, ‘cause ya feets too big

The song ends with the line:   Your pedal extremities really are obnoxious